I'm grateful for those couples that have fought to make their relationships work, and not only work, but beautiful, and while I don't know everything to make a beautiful relationship yet, I do know one thing that confuses, blinds and corrupts relationships, and that's when we don't love completely.
We are told to serve of love with all our heart, might, mind and strength, which I like to relate to the 4 parts of our human make-up: Emotional, Spiritual, Mental and Physical. When our relationships are invested with all of these, they work a lot better, when one or more is missing, we're in trouble.
How does that work?
Well, let me show you and give you some examples. I could be very physically attracted to the wrong type of woman, and become very emotionally involved, but deep down I know mentally and spiritually(morally) that it's wrong. It doesn't make sense if I really reason it out, and it doesn't follow what I know to be good.
Too often people dub "falling in love" to mere physical attraction and emotional connection. But I think that truly "falling in love", or the true, pure kind, only happens when all 4 parts are involved. Not only are we physically attracted, and we emotionally enjoy being around them, but the relationship makes sense if we think it through-it is rationally good for both people-and we can go home with a clean conscience. Spiritually, Mentally, Emotionally and Physically: all systems are a go.
Let me share a couple of examples. This idea solidified as I talked to a great friend Robert Burton and he explained how he knew it was the right decision to marry his wife. "It just felt right in so many areas." Rationally, it worked--they came from similar families, with similar morals and standards, they'd had a great friendship and both were willing and ready. Emotionally, they both liked each other a lot, and had been best friends for years. Physically, there was chemistry. Lastly, spiritually: after a lot of thought and meditation, an answer came, and Rob knew it was right. He'd checked all the bases, and everything was good to go.
A bad example comes from my family.
All of my sisters are beautiful and amazing, and men have and do fall for them. One sister, when she was 15 had a guy fall for her; but what make the situation really awkward was that he was 20, and he wanted a serious relationship. He was convinced that he'd fallen in love with her--and that made everything okay.
But had he really fallen in love? Was he really committed with all 4 parts. I doubt it.
Mentally, it didn't make sense. A relationship with a 15-year-old? She is so young and has so much growing to do, that relationship isn't wise for either of them. Emotionally, imagine what it does to a 15-year-old girl to go from no boys to a serious boyfriend to being dumped at age 16, and left thinking boys are jerks, that's just rude. and Spiritually, the Prophets have repeatedly said not to date until you're 16, and then only group dating. On so many levels the relationship was a bad idea, but this guy thought that being "attracted" to her was enough.
I think God wants us to "fall in love", but after we've checked all 4 bases and are ready to commit. We are taught to bridle our passions--that is neither killing them or letting them run free. It is using all the other parts of ourselves to check and balance our feelings and emotions, so that we can create beautiful relationships and "fall in love" in a way that won't come back to haunt us years down the road.
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